We’ve all heard about the legend of the multi-day and night-long queues on the streets outside of Apple Stores post every new product launch from the Cupertino based tech and fashion corporation. Images of puffy eyed Apple fanboys, and girls, queuing on the streets outside Apple stores, can be found strewn across the tech blog universe after every big launch. More often than not, these guys are queuing up alone, and in a bid to protect their position, have to go through tribulations which even an extreme mountaineer would find bothersome to an extent.
And no one hardly ever, extends any sympathy to these guy – some even going to the extent of ridiculing them and using derisive terms such as ‘nerds’ and ‘buffoons’ to address them. The good blokes at Wholesale Clearance UK, thus, have come to the rescue of the tortured lot, and have, in actuality, created a survival kit for iPhone 6s post launch queues – or any ’post Apple launch queue’. Sure, the launch event is over, and the queues aren’t nearly as long as they were when the 6S was fresh, we stumbled upon this kit only recently and couldn’t help but share it with you.
The folks at Wholesale Clearance UK who might well be getting a nomination for Nobel Peace prize this year have described their product very vividly on their store page.
“Yes, it’s the championship of queues – the Olympics of patience and standing in line. It is the highly anticipated launch of the brand new Apple iPhone 6S!” they assert.
The only stumbling block in their chances of actually winning the Nobel is the bit where they add a sprinkle of sarcasm to for their prospective buyers by saying “Scores of Apple fans with more money than sense, and more old phones than a defunct call centre, are set to line themselves up in anticipation of their new handsets.”
That small bit of insult aside, the rest of the sentiment is pretty noble. Describing London Weather in September as “‘variable” and the streets as riddled with “pot holes and traffic, puddles and dog poop”, the store asserts that the British environs are a far cry from California’s golden coast where Apple designed the new iPhone.
Priced at ‘just’ £49.99, the kit is custom designed for the most hardcore of the Apple fans. Here’s what all you get for the money, in the seller’s own words
“Items included in the kit:
- x1 Lightning Reaction Umbrella
With an advanced clip system, this device will ‘pop’ open at the intuitive click of a button. Just ask to be upgraded to a prestigious ‘raining cats and dogs edition’ umbrella for an additional £15.
- x1 PIN Protected USB Stick
Using innovative technology that’s actually been around for over 15 years now, this USB stick will store any files you don’t wish to share with Apple, U2, or the internet in general.
- X2 Colourful Touch Screen Gloves
If you’re into Apple you clearly think ‘outside the box’. Why not boldly defy fashion convention with these aluminous gloves that work well with your perfectly functional existing smartphone?
- x1 Emergency Phone Charger
You’ll be needing some extra battery power if you want your Apple Watch and old iPhone to make it to the end of the long queue.
- x1 You’ve Got IT, So Flaunt IT! Top
This top can either be worn or waved triumphantly as a flag in front of the legions of press photographers there to make a breaking news story out of your trip to the shop. 100% smugness guaranteed.
- x1 Lightweight Writing Pencil
For use signing up to any extensive payment plans you might be needing. Understated design, 1:1 precision, and intuitive controls make this product a revolution in the way you interact with pads.
- x1 Assorted Tool Kit
Apple is renowned for their dedication to flawless design (a bit like Volkswagen engineering) (edit: well, not anymore). In the unlikely scenario that Apple miss something – ooh I don’t know – like a faulty antenna, or maybe the back bends out easily from normal use for example, we’ve got it covered. We’ve included some nifty tools for repairs in our survival kit that should see you through the first tumultuous hours of new ownership.”
Fancy one for the next time you are queuing up outside an Apple store after a fresh product launch? Head over to the charitable page of Wholesale Clearance UK to get yourself a set.
Oh, and be a kind human being. Spread the word using the social networks.
Hat tip for the infor, Kat Goodall
